Thank you past self: thoughts for a new year

journalNew Year’s Eve is a mixed bag of feelings. If it’s been an amazing year, we often share our nine greatest photos and tell everyone how grateful we are for this beautiful life. We might even get together with real life friends or travel to our favorite city and party like it’s 1999. But what happens when you get to New Year’s Eve and you feel like you’ve come up short? What do you put on your Instagram or Facebook status then? And how do you recover, dust yourself off and clean the slate for the next year?

I don’t know but I will suggest that maybe a good starting point is telling the truth and being ok with it. I’ll start by saying that even though this year certainly had some highs, I spent much of it feeling lost, confused, scared, and discouraged – both because of our collective struggle as a country and experiences I encountered on my personal journey.

I always keep a journal, it’s my lifeline and a big part of my spiritual practice. It’s halfway empty this year because it’s been hard to write through some of these feelings. But I was reading it, as I always do this time of year, and I found some really good stuff! So, I’d like to share two major insights from my writing. They have given me a sense of hope and made me very thankful for my past self!

Walking myself through the mud

I found this pattern in my writing of how I walk myself through the mud to a place of stillness. I realized that if I have the capacity to do this, I will always be ok.

1) Complete frustration, confusion, sadness, complaining but also admitting and sitting with my pain 2) Questioning and acknowledging my contribution to the problem or conflict 3) Taking time to be grateful, seeing the full picture 4) Surrendering, being ok with uncertainty, giving myself permission to rest and move on

Affirmations to keep me from imploding

In one entry, after about three pages of complaining. I willed myself into gratitude, gave thanks, and wrote this list. Thank you past self!

I will breathe

I can only be who I am in this moment

I am worthy of authentic and fulfilling artistic expression

I am exactly the shape, size and volume that I need to be

I am beautiful even when I don’t believe it

I am gifted

I am a gift

I have all that I need to sift through the mess and chatter in my mind and find my truth

I will be ok with giving only what I can and resting/recharging when I need to

I am a dedicated, present, and loving mother

I give from an overflowing sense of abundance of self and spirit

I have enough and I am enough

 

 

 

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